My Mum, an excellent cook!

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Pauline, Russell and Jean celebrate a combined 240 years!

Bennie and his father have just returned from a quickie four-day visit to New Zealand -  to New Plymouth in the North Island region of Taranaki, to be precise.

The ostensible reason for the visit was to help Bennie’s Grandma, Pauline Ethel Weir, celebrate her 80th birthday.

But it was more than that, as it was a triple-banger 80th birthday party taking in also the milestone’s of Pauline’s brother-in-law Russell (Kenny’s uncle), and his partner Jean.

And it was far more than that again, as relatives and friends flew or bussed in from all over New Zealand and Australia.

It was a family reunion of the likes never before experienced by myself, let alone Bennie!

Over three organised events on the Saturday and the Sunday and more informal get-togethers, tales and family lore were exchanged and rolled out.

Relatives and neighbours only dimly remembered were introduced and much laughter and tears flowed.

How magnificent it all was.

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I revelled in digging back in to the family history.

And found, too, that I am more than old enough to have completely forgotten some events and quite starkly mis-remembered others.

In particular, my sister Judith (Bennie’s aunty) took umbrage at the suggestion that our Mum may have been a crash-hot baker but was a less than impressive all-round cook.

Her point being that while the food traditions and resources available to us in the Dunedin of the 1960s and ’70s may have been lacking by contemporary standards, within that context Pauline was pretty much at the pinnacle of cooking prowess.

You know what?

Judith is dead right – and my belief in that judgment was only enhanced as, over the course of our stay in New Zealand, I picked Pauline’s brains about what and how we ate as a growing family.

Mum’s baking was extraordinary – cakes, slices, cookies and more, all superb.

But while we may have gone without olive oil, garlic and ciabatta, there was plenty more that was terrific.

And in that regard we did way better than most families in similar situations – and that was thanks to she.

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Roast dinners and lunches were a regular, of course, but what I recall with particular sharpness is Mum’s homemade mint sauce. It was a far cry from the gloopy concoctions mostly served up these days. It was runny, awash with minced mint and quite vinegary.

Mum’s vegetable soup, made with beef bones, and beef stew were likewise dynamite. They, too, were runny at the outset but gained body and texture in consequent days.

We had heaps of fish – both fresh water and sea varieties, almost all of it caught by ourselves.

According to Mum, there was never any suggestion that fish be cooked any other way than pan-fried.

Baking seafood or putting in a stew or soup was unthinkable, and while Pauline was very partial to white sauce, the same could not be said for her husband or children.

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Uncle Russell, sister Judith, her partner Tim, cousin Susan and her Mum, Aunty Faye.

Another high point in Pauline’s bag of tricks – a very high point – was a dazzling array of preserves and pickles.

Bottled tomatoes were a reliable, lovely staple in a time and place in which canned toms were unknown.

Pauline’s pickled onions were to die for, as were various chutneys and relishes – all made from local Dunedin or Otago produce.

Jams! OMG!

These were, likewise, made from Otago berries and stonefruit, some of which was picked by us.

I have particularly fond memories of the peach jam.

Another regular was a superb plum sauce – a prized alternative to store-bought tomato sauce.

Any and all of these preserves and pickles were of such high quality that any “gourmet” producer would today be ultra-proud to claim them as their own. And they’d be winning gold medals, for sure.

According to Mum, chicken was something we had only on special occasions. Rabbit was far more common in our household, invariably prepared following pretty much the same recipe as the beef stew, with the bunny pieces sometime browned at the start.

Our home was divided on the issues of mushrooms and oysters.

Dad loved both, as – eventually – did son and daughter.

But Pauline has never cracked her dislike of both.

Mushrooms – always gathered by us, never bought – were only ever pan-fried in butter and had on toast.

Oysters meant only Bluff oysters – bought already shucked in containers and eaten raw. Or obtained deep-fried from the same places and at the same times as our regular fish and chip feeds.

And yes, I can fully recall when those items really were wrapped in newspaper.

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Other Weir home favourites are familiar to this day around New Zealand, Australia and the world, but I have no doubt the quality has dropped.

Mum’s shepherds’ pie, just for instance, was made with hand-minced leftover lamb roast.

As it should be …

Likewise, the meat loaves we buy locally are humdrum by comparison with those of our childhood.

Now there’s a challenge for the new kitchen of Bennie and Kenny – making homemade meat loaf and regular!

Thanks Mum – we love you!

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Pauline and Milly.

Honesty is the best policy?

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I’m a cautious driver.

Having a child will do that to you.

I hate tailgaters and am scrupulous about never falling in to that silly, dangerous habit.

I try very hard to always stay below or no more than at the speed limit pertaining to wherever I am driving. And if I do find myself speeding, I am quick to slow down.

I am regularly appalled at the speeds so many people – including parents with children on board – travel through signposted school areas.

But I do have an achilles heel – I can get a tad absentminded when backing out of the driveway.

So it was earlier this week when I backed out and very gently bumped the driver’s door of the car of one of my neighbours with my rear bumper bar.

His car is not a recent model, but it is in sparkling, pristine, immaculate, shining condition.

But I was going at considerably less than walking pace.

The damage was about as little as is possible. About 10cm of scuffed paintwork, a slight indentation.

I went about my business for a few hours, mulling the situation over.

To ‘fess up or not?

In the end, I did what I was always going to do – and told my neighbour of my mishap involving his vehicle.

He was crestfallen, but goodwill seemed to win the day. After some consideration, though, he did maintain he wanted the damage rectified, as the reason he’d bought his car in the first place was its near-perfect condition.

We amiably compared notes on our different but equally financially fragile lives.

He said he’d get back to me after making some phone calls and talking to some people.

He got back to me this afternoon … and the news is rotten.

He’s talked to a couple of panelbeaters, and both our insurance companies – and it seems the minimum it’s going to cost to put the damage right is $1400.

My “excess” is $750 – so I’m going to be $750 out of pocket in terms cold, hard cash, not to mention whatever my insurance company penalises me in terms of no-claim status and so on.

All this for damage so minimal that it defied my very best efforts to photograph it.

I’m angry …

Angry at what seems like a cartel-like scam job between insurance companies and panelbeaters. It seems ridiculous to me that this sort of damage costs more than quite significant mechanical or electrical servicing and repairs.

Yes, I know labour costs are high … but still.

I did the right thing – and in the long-term I’ll no doubt be glad about that.

But in the short-term, it sucks.

At least our new home doesn’t have driveway for me to back out of – our car is now parked on the street.

Yarraville goss …

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Heard from two sources today … news that a Yarraville retailer is to be replaced by a bakery/patisserie producing, no doubt among many other things, “artisan bread”.

I don’t want to name or publish a picture of the current business concerned as it is still very much in operation and there are no signs in its windows announcing closure plans.

But … it’s interesting to think about.

Businesses selling bread and/or baked goods in Yarraville central: Alfa Bakehouse, Hausfrau, Plump, IGA, Village Store, Baker’s Delight, Heather Dell.

There are others at Yarraville Square and further afield in Seddon.

I have no knowledge of whether this new business will serve eat-in food or beverages. But if it does, the overlap with existing businesses will be that much greater.

So … I don’t know about you guys, but this all seems a bit mad to me …

A Very Moving Day

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Well, it’s mostly done.

Plenty of cartons of books and CDs to be unpacked.

Kitchen chaos, trying to fit all our stuff into a smaller space. Though there are plenty of cardboards.

No hot water yet, but that should be sorted before nightfall.

So I can enjoy a richly deserved shower.

Pay TV issues could take up to 10 days to resolve, but we got back online quick smart.

Not that it’s that big a deal in terms of moving house – we’ve just moved right next door after all.

But Bennie’s been a trooper.

And our next door neighbour and occasional food outing pal, Rob, spent the morning helping me with the heavy stuff.

Mind you, we did ditch the bulky, springs-are-shot sofa and armchair in favour of a Scandinavian retro number that is cool and much more in fitting with our reduced space. The old-school, hideous “entertainment unit” is gone, too. Though we still have an old-school telly!

I had no excuses for goofing off this morning, as the internet/phone and TV had already been cut off.

Naturally, getting some cool sounds happening in our new abode was a priority.

And the first tune to played be loud and proud in our new abode?

Why, Dulcie’s Song of course!

I wonder what the first meal I’ll cook in our new home will be?

It sure as heck won’t be tonight, that’s for sure.

I’m knackered!

Oh, the shame!

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We’re moving house.

No big deal and not very far.

But still, there are things to be done, utilities to be connected and disconnected.

There is much to be sorted and much to be tossed out. Because our new joint is much smaller than one we’re leaving. Much warmer and cheaper, too, mind you.

And last night there was a live Asian Champion’s League match featuring an Australian team.

It, too, went ignored for an hour or so.

Because – oh, how it is embarrassing to admit it – Team Consider The Sauce has become addicted to My Kitchen Rules.

It’s unclear how this has come about.

The process seems to have taken about two weeks, but has been one of insidious stealth.

There we were – well, there I was anyway – determinedly snooty about reality TV shows, and their foodie incarnations in particular.

And now here we are – hanging on every pronouncement, every kitchen meltdown.

Mind you, the idea that this show is real, that there is any “reality” of substance here at all strikes us as fanciful.

Villains such as Ashlee and Sophia just seem too preposterously cartoonish for that.

And the music? Used with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. Alfred Hitchcock the MKR producers are not.

I’m sure there are websites, forums, Twitter conversations and the like where we could find about this stuff and all sorts of juicy conspiracy theories.

But we’re not that far gone.

Yet.

We do, however, wholeheartedly admire the skill and wisdom The Age’s Ben Pobjie brings to his regular MKR recaps.

A gem from this morning’s effort:

“Everyone just ignores Josh’s disgusting attempts at self-justification, preoccupied as they are by their own devastation at the news that Ashlee and Sophia aren’t leaving. Anyway everyone cheers and hugs and Ashlee and Sophia clap mildly, boredom etched on their faces: they’re not really interested in babies unless they’re eating them themselves.”

And that’ll have to do until … Sunday night.
WHAT? You’ve got to be kidding me!?

Good Friday in Footscray …

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No rest for the buskers who have made the ANZ corner their home for the past month or so.

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Not much action in the mall itself, though.

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But Little Saigon Market is rocking.

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And so is Nhu Lan.

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Sapa Hills is one of the few Vietnamese establishments not open.

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A satisfying lunch at Huy Huy.

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To finish, an excellent cafe latte with Tim & Jane – and a quick skim of the suburban press that doesn’t get delivered to our joint.

Our suburban newspapers – the elephant in the room

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My appreciation for and reliance on our suburban press for finding out what is going on in my community have both deepened significantly in recent years.

This process has been hastened by my metropolitan newspaper career fading to memory, at the very time those newspapers fight for survival and seem often to be pre-occupied with major sport, federal politics, shock/horror and click bait.

And, until recently, I was even working on either a regional newspaper (Geelong Advertiser) or its free, weekly “giveaways”, and even (more recently) for the proprietors of one of our three suburban titles.

As well, doing Consider The Sauce has really heightened my desire for information about what’s going on in the greater western suburbs. And I’m not just talking about restaurant reviews – reading the suburban press has hipped me to many festivals and community events, as well as providing information about local politics and so on.

So I am both intrigued and a little disturbed by events of recent weeks that have revealed to me a suburban press “elephant in the room” – how many, or how few, of these newspapers actually get delivered.

Here’s how it unfolded …

A few days before the Yarraville Festival, the festival Facebook page mentioned that there was a lift-out festival program going in that week’s edition of the Maribyrnong Weekly. Someone immediately replied that they hardly ever saw a copy of that publication.

On reflection, I realised this was very true for us, too! In fact, and speaking very subjectively, it seemed at that point like we’d seen any or all of our three suburban newspapers little more than a handful of times each in about six months.

So I made a phone call to register my unhappiness. You’ll be unsurprised to learn, given the way this story is headed, that the nice people I spoke to were and are well used to receiving such phone calls.

The upshot was that the following week I got a door knock from a representative of the company that distributes the Star and the Maribyrnong Weekly.

After discussing our specific non-delivery issues, I mentioned that as I’m in “full-on job-seeker mode”, perhaps I should be delivering these rags my own self.

One thing led to another, many phone calls were made and it was settled I would become a “walker” for a particular area of Yarraville.

For several reasons that I won’t address here, it all came to nowt – I pulled the plug without delivering a newspaper, let alone getting paid for it.

I will say, though, that my decision had nothing to do with the professionalism or competence of the various people with whom I dealt.

But it’s fair to say I now have insights into how and why getting these newspapers delivered is something of a logistical nightmare.

I have long assumed that non-delivery issues amounted to little more than a fraudulent scam perpetrated by the various distribution companies.

I now know that’s not the case – or not always the case.

The people I conferred with seemed to be doing their very best to deal with a complex operation that involves every neighbourhood being drawn up into sectors that are assigned to the available “walkers”.

Then there are the “walker” issues themselves.

Let’s face it – the pay is pitiful. Had I embarked on this new, um, career, I would’ve been paid at a rate unlike anything I have received since I was a pre-teenager. About $10 an hour, I estimate, and that’s if I’d been going like a bat out of hell.

So, as was said to me this morning, “this is not work that suits everyone”.

Nor, I was informed, is it viable to rely on such work for a living wage.

All this reduces dramatically the pool of potential “walkers”.

Finally, and inevitably, given all this – poor pay, hard work, the changing seasons and more – some regular “walkers” end up taking the sly, dishonest way out by simply not doing the runs for which they are claiming payment.

This is an unhappy state of affairs on several levels.

For one, my respect for the journalism and journalists of the suburban press is these days very high indeed.

They are covering – in some cases superbly – issues, people and events that simply don’t get a look in in The Age or the Herald Sun.

To cite just one example – during the recent local body election campaigns, from what I could see it was very much the suburban press that was on top of the issues and what the various candidates offered or were not offering.

For these journalists, and the sales staff who sell advertising space on the basis that their newspapers will be delivered, such non-delivery issues must be extremely frustrating.

Like many of my former colleagues, I got well used to fielding phone calls from angry and upset readers.

For many in our communities, particularly older citizens who may not have internet access or skills and for whom the daily papers are an unjustifiable expense, the suburban press is a cherished and essential part of life.

Finally, and perhaps most profoundly, it seems to me that our suburban press, and regardless of its corporate ownership, remains a vital ingredient of the glue that keeps our communities together.

And, yes, I believe that holds true even in a cyber age that includes Facebook and Twitter.

Am interested to hear about suburban newspaper delivery from Consider The Sauce visitors – good and bad both welcome!

Melbourne – then and now

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Moving to Melbourne in the late ’80s, yours truly had several aims.

One was to avoid becoming immersed in any sort of significant Kiwi expat community, as could surely have been the case had I chosen, say, Sydney. Or, I’ve been told, Brisbane and even Perth.

Another was to work for The Age.

They didn’t want me. Because, I was told by the bloke who did the interview in the dowdy staff canteen at the Spencer St building, I didn’t have a degree. (Still don’t, actually …)

They started using me as a casual sub-editor anyway, but I needed a full-time job so accepted one at the old broadsheet Herald in Flinders St.

After few years there and I did indeed end up at The Age for another few years, followed by the short-lived Sunday Herald and a lengthy, wild and often satisfying decade or so on the Sunday Herald Sun.

The bloke who did the original Age interview ended up at the HWT building at Southgate eventually.

And like just about everybody I ever had anything to do with newspapers in Melbourne, he’s gone.

In fact, the very last of my colleagues from the Sunday Herald Sun officially finish up this Friday.

And of course I discovered there are Kiwis everywhere in Melbourne, but they tend to fly under the radar. Which suits me fine.

My first abode was a one-bedroom flat in Greeves St, Fitzroy, just a block from the Black Cat.

Brunswick St was just beginning its journey to hip, so the Black Cat was one of the few happening places.

Bakers, next to the Provincial Hotel, was a regular.

The pub itself was strictly a hard-drinking boozer of the old school.

From there I moved around … a few years in East Brunswick, then something of a cultural and food desert. St Kilda for a few  years more, followed by a wonderful time in the CBD – Flinders Lane, if you don’t mind, in a gorgeous old building called Bible House.

Since then it’s been all western suburbs and fatherhood.

Before actually relocating west, first in Seddon, followed by West Footscray, Seddon again and now Yarraville, I did visit a few times.

Sometimes I’d get on the train to “do Vietnamese” in Footscray.

More frequently, I’d go by rail to Yarraville to watch wonderful old B&W films at the Sun. Gosh, how I wish they still did that!

During all my early years in Melbourne, no matter where I was living, food was far from being the serious focus it has become.

I was far more intent on what was happening at the Prince of Wales, the Club in Collingwood and myriad other live music venues.

Music wasn’t even on the list of things that found me moving to Melbourne.

But I soon found out that what was happening here was every bit as thrilling as anything I’d encountered in the US or living in London in the late ’70s.

It blew my mind!

Country, rockabilly, western swing, serious grunge (years before Nirvana!) and much more – and eventually jazz – became my life.

My music passions have become something of a private, non-gig-going pursuit these days, but I will never forget the music I experienced or the people who made it.

But even then I was a cheap eats hound of some repute.

I recall one former newspaper colleague saying to someone: “Go and ask Kenny – he knows all about cheap eats!”

So how was it then, compared with how it is now, for me?

My most immediate joy on arriving from the food barrens of Wellington had been the fact that it was possible – indeed easy – to eat Indian food in restaurants.

Back then, though, that almost always entailed the more formal and expensive eateries.

Since then, and particularly in the past decade or so and fuelled by many Indian migrants, that situation has changed to a remarkable degree.

Those more formal Indian places still exist, but they have been joined by a multitude of cheap eats-style establishments serving thalis, dosas, biryanis.

That the western suburbs, very much including West Footscray, seem to be one of the leading areas for this magnificent eventuality is something that I find thrilling beyond measure.

There have been many other changes to the food scene since I became a Melburnite.

Coffee culture, north African food (of course!), dumplings and many more.

But the ease with which I can enjoy sub-continental tucker – rubbing shoulders with students, taxi drivers, young Indian families and other fellow travellers – would seem to top them all.

However, the shadow cast by recent and ongoing news stories about pitiful wages, sweatshops and the like in the restaurant business is something with which I will continue to grapple.

Bennie’s Kitchen Rules

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Chick pea, lentil and chorizo soup

Efforts are being made to extend Bennie’s involvement with affairs in the kitchen beyond eating and doing the dishes.

This seems to be having beneficial and laudable effects.

He certainly seems to more at one with breakfasts of yogurt, fresh fruit and muesli now that the latter is largely a product of his own hands and effort.

When let off the brekkie leash, he gets his own toast and jam (“No butter!” he proclaims).

He has a way with eggs.

And he’s an expert at instant noodles.

What’s next?

Soup!

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Bennie has developed a deep fondness for the Iraqi red lentil soup shortbat adas that has become a routine fixture in our home – he certainly prefers it to the various Indian-style pulse stews and soups I regularly knock together.

So I’m hoping to combine something of that vibe with a soup that also involves the kid-friendly tantalisation of fried chorizo and one that will also hopefully nudge him back towards the fondness for chick peas he once possessed.

I’ve soaked a cup of chick peas overnight and have cooked them prior to us starting the soup proper.

As I’m seeking a sort-of South American or even Middle Eastern feel through lemon juice and cumin, we’ll be using capsicum rather than carrot.

We’re using good quality Istra chorizo, but it’s soft so Bennie struggles a bit in finding the right cutting motion to slice it into nice, even discs.

He does much better with the celery, once I show him what’s required in terms of fineness of dicing.

Still, for a parent it’s nerve-racking watching a child – even one as generally capable and always smart as this one – handling very sharp blades.

He also oversees the roasting and mortar-and-pestle grinding of a 1/4 teaspoon of cumin seeds.

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And he really, really digs what is the key moment, the most headily intoxicating part of making this dish and many like it – when the diced vegetables hit the hot, fragrant oil that is a mixture of olive oil and grease from the sausage.

Oh my!

It’s in this phase of the cooking process that my boy shows that he may have just the right stuff to make a good home cook: As he’s stirring the vegetable/oil/sausage mixture, he simply and intuitively assumes “the cook’s prerogative” – without asking his father’s permission – and nonchalantly gobs a couple of pieces of fried chorizo.

The resultant soup is perfectly fine, but I am somewhat disappointed – it simply doesn’t have the depth or richness of texture and flavour for which I have been hoping.

Bennie?

Oh man, he loves it to pieces.

Now we’re cooking!

Later in the night he asks me: “Dad, am I going to take over the blog when you’re gone?”

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Thank you …

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The first month of 2013 saw Consider The Sauce receive 16,580 page views – the highest ever, as illustrated by the above bar graph, which charts our history since the modest opening total of 91 in August, 2010.

Oddly enough, the last two days of January saw figures only matched for lowness in the past year or so by the likes of Christmas Day and Good Friday.

This trend looks like continuing, in the short term at least, and for once I am declining to fret.

I know well enough by now that the internet is a weird place.

And that Google, search engines in general, algorithms, weather patterns and a whole lot more can have effects that defy explanation by even the most savvy SEO “experts”.

None of it lessens at all the pleasure CTS continues to provide people and the satisfaction we continue to derive in delivering it.

Of course, 16,000+ page views represents far fewer actual visitors.

Some people visit our site for just a quick read of a single post.

Others, perhaps finding Consider The Sauce for the first time, can and do spend hours going through hundreds of posts – often in the course of a single visit.

Nevertheless, we can truly say we deeply appreciate every visit and every comment left.

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On a different note, it’s been a while but CTS has received another invitation to be provided a complementary meal in return for having us write about the experience.

In this case, it involves another of the trucks that are these days hitting the west big time and also involves what is pretty much Bennie’s favourite food genre.

Kudos in this case to those doing the inviting for getting the spelling of my son’s name correct.

Such is not often the case.

Maybe that should be our criteria for deciding whether to respond positively to such approaches.

In the meantime, like many other bloggers I continue to mull over the pros and cons of accepting such arrangements.

On the one hand, who doesn’t like copping a “free” feed every now and then?

On the other, for what is really a very small outlay the business owners concerned, providing the food is good and CTS story is positive, get coverage that is read by hundreds and eventually thousands of the very people who are likely to be most interested in their wares.

Not bad going for, say, $30 at the most.

Random thoughts …

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This is my top, No.1 all-time favourite Christmas present of 2012.

So obvious!

So affordable!

So efficient!

So easy to clean!

Thanks, Bennie!

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It’s gratifying that my boy seems far more “connected” to his breakfast now that he’s eating from a batch of our muesli that he made all his own self.

Tonight – lentil soup a la Bennie!

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A lot of people seem to be enjoying the arrival of food tucks in the west.

We have yet to sample the wares of Dos Diablos, but have noted with pleasure the regular “sold out!” notifications posted by the team from White Guy Cooks Thai on their Facebook page.

On Friday night, we had a supreme example of just what a pleasure and a boon such an operation can be.

No photos, no taking of notes, no seeking of information – just a feed for a tired but otherwise very normal family.

With dad returning from a return to work and subsequently tuckered out, we’d picked up Greek salad makings for dinner, but really … not in the mood to cook.

We’d just turned into Gamon St from Charles, when Bennie yelled out: “White Guy Cooks Thai!”

A quick application of the brakes and a U-turn later and we were parked in front of the White Guy truck and ready to rock.

Hainan chicken and mango salad, with heaps of pomegranate seeds, for him.

He loved it, opining halfway through: “I’d like to know how to make this!”

Green vegetable curry with rice and coleslaw for me.

Quite spicy, light, delicious, with green beans, potato, pumpkin, eggplant and more.

A fantastic, affordable meal, the timing of which could not have been better.

How have your food truck experiences been?

How evil are prawn crackers?

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Lunch after a school holiday swimming pool session with Bennie and one of his school mates.

A Chinese restaurant that has already appeared in these pages but that has no relevance to this post, so shall remain unnamed.

As we await our food, we are presented with a big plate of prawn crackers.

Chimp, chomp; crunch, crunch.

Halfway through the rapidly dwindling stack of snacks, I voice a not particularly original observation: “These taste like nothing!”

But then I think, to myself this time: “What are prawn crackers made of?”

Further, could it be they are actually made from the eponymous anti-matter “nothing” that is such a feature of the Garth Nix seven-book fantasy series The Keys To The Kingdom, which Bennie is just about to complete and I am just starting?

And if they’re actually made from prawn meat and other stuff, are there any really nasty ingredients as well?

And if not, are they good, bad or indifferent in health and nutrition terms?

I have a hunch that prawn crackers inhabit the same realm of foodiness, if not in practice then at least a little in theory, as seafood extender.

Some rudimentary sleuthing turns up first of all, and no surprise, a long story at the always informative if notoriously unreliable Wikipedia.

My loss I know, but my Asian travel experiences are virtually non-existent, so living in Melbourne’s west for more than a decade is as close I’ve gotten.

And that’s a pretty darn fine “second best”, IMHO!

Still, while I’ve had the more homely style prawn crackers served at Vietnamese places such as Phu Vinh, I am wholly unprepared for the information that prawn crackers – krupuk in Wikipedia’s preferred name – are widely and enthusiastically eaten all over Asia and beyond, with all the regional and national variations you would expect.

A little more digging turns up various forum discussions, recipes and ingredient lists.

The gist of it all, I gather is prawn meat combined with tapioca flour plus seasonings, including – according to many links – MSG.

But while it seems prawn cracker makings are mostly on the benign side, the cooking process – deep frying – is not.

Presumably, then, they’re on the same sort of footing as potato crisps.

I even find a celebrity recipe!

And a 2012 UK news story in which a company using another celeb chef was pinged for false advertising – no prawn in them thar prawn crackers, M’Lord!

More digging and things start to get seriously weird, as I start turning up questions such as “Can rabbits eat prawn crackers?”, “Can you feed your hamster prawn crackers?”, “Can you feed your hamster crackers and tuna?” and even “Do rabbits eat their own rabbits?”

Still, I reckon commercial variety prawn crackers are the food equivalent of muzak.

A smile for the customer? Priceless.

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So I see one of our favourite places is about to re-open after the festive hullabaloo.

I wish I could say this is cause for jubilation.

But it’s not.

I fact, I’m beginning to realise that perhaps it’s not one of our favourite places after all.

Because, despite the outrageous excellence of the joint’s food – and they charge for that excellence, but not TOO much – truth is eating there is a downer.

Such joyous tucker is served by the staff  – and orders and payment taken – with such morose countenances, without exception, that it’s impossible to escape the idea they’d far rather be somewhere else.

I could laugh this off or dismiss it as punter paranoia, except for the fact I’ve read online comments by another customer indicating they get exactly the same impression.

Upon reading those comments, my immediate thought was: “Ah – so it isn’t just me!”

Another place, much closer to home, has also fallen somewhat out of favour with us.

Unlike the first business, those associated with the second know who we are. We’ve written about them. Very nicely, I might add …

But we don’t want to be treated like royalty. We don’t expect favours because we do Consider The Sauce. And we certainly don’t want obsequiousness.

We just want to be treated like the regular, local, paying customers we are.

Yet every time we are in there we see the majority of customers treated with wide smiles and welcoming chat, rather than the pursed, unsmiling lips and brusque, businesslike approach afforded us.

Sheesh!

2012 in review

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The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

19,000 people fit into the new Barclays Center in New York to see Jay-Z perform. This blog was viewed about 150,000 times in 2012 (Ed’s note: The precise figure ended up being 151,207). If it were a concert at the Barclays Center, it would take about eight sold-out performances for that many people to see it. (Ed’s note: Thanks WordPress – if Jay-Z was lucky enough to live in the western suburbs of Melbourne he’d really be in the top spot!)

Click here to see the complete report.

Bennie and Kenny go to Avalon Raceway

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It was the corn dogs what swung it.

For the past year or so, Bennie has displayed increasing indifference and even passive hostility to the idea of getting out and about in pursuit of sport.

Rebels, Storm or All Blacks?

Maybe.

Heart, Victory, Socceroos or – heaven forbid – T20 cricket?

No way!

But somehow he intuitively knows an outing to check out Avalon Raceway will be more to his liking.

And when his question about the likely availability of corn dogs is answered in the affirmative, it’s a done deal and off we go on Boxing Day.

Actually, it’s been at least three decades since I’ve had one of those battered critters, so I’m quite open to having one myself.

More pragmatically, I expect the food offerings to be on a par with what’s available at AAMI Stadium, but probably not as good.

As far as the racing goes, I’m not a serious petrolhead by any means, though I’ve always had a soft spot for what I consider to be the blue-collar, everyman variations – as opposed to the billionaire playground that is Formula One.

On that basis alone, I’m up for it.

We get to the track just before 6pm and I’m quite impressed by the number of cars and people already in attendance, even though the “hot” practice laps are just about to start.

Most punters, including many families, appear to have brought their own furniture and/or food.

Not us, of course, though we nevertheless find a cool pozzie against the fence, with wooden sleepers to park our bums on when we’re not eyeballing the racing.

Where we’re at, on corner three, means we’ll be splattered with mud for the rest of the day/night, but after a while we barely notice. Bennie thinks it’s all an absolute hoot.

Various groups around us utilise different and innovative ways to protect themselves from the slung mud, ranging from blankets and umbrellas to screening pinned to the track perimeter fence.

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The food situation turns out to be every bit as dire as I had expected – at first.

A single shack is selling hot dogs, pies, dodgy looking chips – with gravy for $6 – and that’s about it.

There’s not corn dog in sight.

Bennie later rates his hot dog as a six, once again raising for me doubts about the veracity of his rating system.

The chips are underdone, limp and awful.

My Routley’s beef pie is not hot enough and just OK.

Our food and drink costs us $15, which isn’t too bad. We’ve certainly spent more for worse at sports events in the past.

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Like speedway bikes, sprint cars have no transmissions.

And – according to this informative story at automedia – nor do they have differentials, the lack of which is covered by having the inside rear tyres significantly smaller than their outside equivalents.

We’ve packed ear plugs, though they turn out to be non-essential. But I do keep mine in for most of the night.

The sprint cars – ranging from about six up to 18 per race – put out a deep rumble in the laps leading up the green flag. The racing tenor itself is, of course, a good deal higher pitched but still quite pleasant when compared to the killer dentist-drill mosquito-whine pain of F1.

And even Bennie enjoys the racing.

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We don’t know one driver or car from the other, of course, but what with bearable noise levels, the smell of burning race fuel, some torrid racing and numerous bingles and prangs, it really is quite thrilling.

The cars are shunted on to the track by ATVs then push started by a team of utes.

It’s a buzz being so very close to racing vehicles yet feeling quite unthreatened. I suspect the cars may not be going as fast as they appear to be, and certainly no drivers are hurt in the various mishaps.

And still the mud flies!

After a half-dozen or so heats, I leave Bennie at our pozzie and go for a wander.

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Punters can get a beer at Sliders Bar – VB for $4 – but they don’t appear to be doing great business.

Maybe because all booze must be consumed “in-house”, although the racing can be watched on TVs while doing so.

A little further on I stumble upon the Dirt Track Diner.

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The food here appears to be somewhat different but of similar standard – think wilted burgers and leather-tough fried dim sims.

But wait – there’s more!

Yes, they have corn dogs.

I buy a couple for $5 each and make my way back to a wildly grinning Bennie.

He loves his and devours most of mine.

I’m disappointed. I expect the outer batter costing to be crispy – instead, it’s rather doughy.

I discover, courtesy of this informative piece at Wikipedia, that corn dogs appear to have originated in the US in the 1920s and that they have become a multicultural, multinational foodstuff.

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And so it goes …

I’m surprised we make it right through to the evening’s conclusion, the 18-car Gold Cup final.

Then we make a hasty exit, beating the crowds and getting on to the highway home in about five minutes.

For a family day/night out, we can recommend a visit to Avalon Raceway. Our tickets prices of $25 and $5 certainly compare real well with any significant sports event in Melbourne.

You may want to pack your own picnic lunch/dinner, though Bennie snorts with contempt at such a suggestion.

A letter to KFC …

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Dear KFC Australia,

Hello there!

My 11-year-old son and I could before now hardly be described as fans of your, um, food – I mean, we find it difficult to picture what someone who  wants to win a year’s worth of KFC would actually look like.

But nor have we been antagonistic – ambivalent or apathetic would be closer to the mark.

Until now.

Now we detest your company and its greasy products.

You see, what we are fans of is sport – which is why we indulge in the affordable luxury of pay TV.

At this time of year, when there’s not much going on, we’re definitely up for watching a bit of T20 cricket, the domestic competition of which has provided us with much viewing pleasure in previous years.

This year, though, that enjoyment has been severely lessened by the rampant repetition of KFC adverts – on and on and on and on ….

Worse, this year they feature the Madden brothers, a couple of charmless US rock “stars” of a band so hot most Australians have never heard of it and are probably glad that that’s the case.

Worse again, the pair have been involved in vegetarianism and animal rights in the past, although you guys seem to be confused about that according to the website Umbrella.

It’s all very confusing, not to mention profoundly irritating.

I mean, do you really think showcasing a couple of, ahem, animal rights activists, or at the very least sympathisers, in your ads is a winner in terms of marketing?

Especially when it comes across very clearly they’re in it just for the money and it’s also very noticeable they are not shown at any point in the act of consuming your products?

Whose idea was it to employ these has-beens?

But then again, we are pretty much out of the loop when it comes to corporate marketing and branding.

So for all we know getting a reaction such as this letter from disgusted punters could have your PR and marketing types wildly high-fiving.

But the fact remains – we now hate your “food” and we hate you.

Cheers, Kenny

Our Top 10 for 2012

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Mighty thanks to our many visitors, eating companions, leavers of comments and providers of tips!

Remember, it’s only a list.

If I did it on another day, it’d likely be different.

And there’s lots of other places and people we like.

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1. COFFEE

We love the vibe at Cup & Bean in Kingsville – welcoming and cool without trying too hard.

We love, too, the simple, nifty $5 ham, cheese and pickle sandwiches Tim knocks us up for cheap lunches.

And every cup of coffee is perfection.

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2. TOP NEWS STORY

The opening of super ritzy grocery A.Bongiovanni & Son in Seddon really had tongues wagging.

We’re happy to report we’ve become regular customers.

And not just for specialty items, either. More than often than not we’re in there for regular fresh produce and groceries.

The arrival in the west of a food truck, White Guy Cooks Thai, was hot news, as well.

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3. SURROUNDED BY INDIANS

Is there any doubt the western suburbs – especially the inner west – have become Indian Central for Melbourne?

Especially at affordable prices?

We have no particular favourite – we do, however, have particular favourites at specific restaurants.

It’s been a matter of horses for courses and all that for wonderful meals we’ve had at Yummy India, Biryani House, Salaam Namaste Dosa Hut, Pandu’s, Vanakkam, Indi Chutneys and Mishra’s Kitchen.

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4. BURGERS/F&C

Rockfish at Edgewater is proving a grand regular for us when we’re in the mood for burgers and/or fish and chips – old-school, good service, table seating both indoors and out, tasty food.

We dig Dappa Snappa Fish Cafe in Williamstown, too!

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5. A TOAST TO THE ROASTS

The old-fashioned charms of a roast meal really kicked in for us in 2012.

The incredible $10 Sunday roast deal at the Spottiswoode Hotel was a highlight, but we loved our dinners at Bruno’s Coffee Lounge and the Famous Blue Raincoat, too.

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6. BEST NON-WESTERN SUBURBS JOINT

Abbout Falafel House in Sydney Rd, Coburg, serves thoroughly wonderful, delicious, fresh and cheap Lebanese food.

Some days we’re pretty sure it’s the best restaurant in Melbourne.

And there’s times, too, we’re convinced it’s the best eats emporium in the known universe …

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7. BEST FRANCHISE FAST FOOD

We’ve been back Guzman Y Gomez Mexican Taqueria at Highpoint several times and always enjoy it.

The food may not match it in terms of presentation and zing of your more high-falutin’ Mexican places, but it’s cheap and we like it.

8. MOST “OUT THERE” ADVENTURE

Some musing on the nature of “crab sticks” saw me visiting Austrimi Seafoods in North Geelong for a tour of their surimi factory.

I’ve watched with bemusement as the original post has become a regular, daily Google go-to story for searches such as “is there tripe in seafood extender” and “what are crab sticks made of”.

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9. FAVOURITE RESTAURANT

It’s a tie!

We only made it to Safari in Ascot Vale once this year, but we continue to hold the establishment, its fabulous Somalian food and the welcome in the very highest of regards.

Ace Japanese place Ajitoya in Seddon has become a regular for refined comfort food – even if that is a contradictory term.

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10. BEST SANDWICH

We adore La Morenita in Sunshine every which way, even if Bennie has gone off having cold empanadas in his school lunches.

All the sandwiches are good, but we especially love the chacarero of steak, cheese, tomato, mayo, greens beans and hot green chilli.

The beans squeak!

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11. TOP MEAL

Such a simple, earthy pleasure – chicken curry with a fresh baguette roll at Xuan Xinh, a rather anonymous St Albans cafe.

Irony

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My new paying gig takes me from Southern Cross Station, up the road and along Clarendon St to York St in South Melbourne for work on publications and with management that overlap with my already existent and ongoing gig at Media House.

The first couple of mornings, and with plenty of time before my 9.30am start, I enjoy the leisurely stroll.

But those two days’ work become three, with a fourth declined because of another commitment, and by now I’ve had enough of the whole Flinders St, Crown noise-and-ugliness, so I hop the light rail.

I’m looking forward to ambling through the early hours of a new day at South Melbourne Market, pondering lunch options as I go.

But to my surprise, the market is closed.

It seems bizarre that such a major-league market is closed on a Thursday.

Oh well, I happily settle for a coffee from a  top spot adjacent to the market at which I have already become a regular. Only two more coffees and I’m up for my first freebie.

As well, just up York St is a low-rent Indonesian joint – just the sort of place to set my pulse racing. At lunchtime, though, I majorly wuss it, deciding against one of the ace-looking laksas that several customers are slurping for fear of ponging up my new office and irritating new colleagues.

It’s a mistake – the gado gado I go for is barely acceptable, though my two fried pork balls are pretty good.

My new workplace is fine and the work nothing but a pleasure. Over the course of three days, I work on a lot drool-worthy food stories and mostly well-written pieces and profiles about many interesting topics and people.

Predictably, I already a know a few of my new colleagues from other places and times – including one fellow sub-editor with whom I last worked on the long-defunct Sunday Herald more than two decades previously. There is barely one degree of separation between myself and every other journalist in the place.

But while I work across a number of mastheads, I have been summoned here for one specific purpose – to work on Geelong stories for the flashy, glossy new Weekly Review that is being launched in the town of my former employment.

The irony is rich and deep.

Just a few months after being given the flick from the Geelong Advertiser, I am happily working on a project that is targeted directly at that newspaper’s advertising base.

In the process, I am handling stories written by people likewise dismissed from the Advertiser and writing captions for photographs taken by another former colleague who left about the same time.

Moreover, my understanding is that this new publication is no tentative step into Geelong and that this is very much about being in it for the long haul.

There are jokes in my new workplace that the Geelong Advertiser should be renamed the Geelong No-Advertising.

If this was just a matter of sticking it to News Ltd management that has seemingly been so busy, um, streamlining the company, by some accounts turning its suburban and regional titles into branch offices for the Herald Sun and seeing sub-editors as a cost burden rather than assets to be fostered and fought for, I would glory in every story, every headline written and every paid hour, and all those to come.

But the pleasure is muted somewhat by the knowledge that this is bad news indeed for many good people who were so recently my colleagues at the Advertiser.

Still, I can’t help but reflect on the swings and roundabouts of it all.

There’s no permanent positions for me, or a whole lot of other folks with whom I’m currently working. Those days, perhaps, have gone forever.

But there’s security of a kind in being in places and at a time where what I’ve always done is accorded value.

Best eats to snack on while cooking

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1. Corn chips and taramasalata.

2. Olives.

3. Indian snacks bought from Barkly St, West Footscray.

4. Parmesan shavings.

5. Pickled onions.

6. Sour pickled gherkins.

7. End nubs of really excellent sourdough bread dipped in VOO.

What are yours?

Do you, like me, often spoil enjoyment of the finished dish by snacking too much while cooking?

Fast food/food court etiquette

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Just out of curiosity …

When eating at a fast food joint, be it a franchise or otherwise, or a shopping centre food court, do you:

1. Gather up all your food scraps and packaging yourself, and put them in one of the rubbish receptacles?

Or …

2. Treat it like a normal restaurant experience, and leave it all for restaurant employees to clean up?

If you leave your mess for employees to clean-up, are you:

1. Inflicting more pain and drudgery on staff who are already over-worked and under-paid?

Or …

2. Creating job opportunities by refusing to be guilt-tripped by the business into doing work that should be done by staff members.