1 Station Pier, Port Melbourne. Phone: 9676 9186

We do things differently when Grandma comes to town.

I’ve shared many a Melbourne meal with Pauline Ethel Weir, quite a few of them of the Chinese and Indian variety.

But there’s no way some of the more exotic regulars in our trick bag – chicken feet, laksa, pho and seaweed are just a few that come to mind – are going to fly when Pauline’s over for a visit.

This is especially so when time is of the essence, as it was last weekend when mum and my cousin Kaye flew in from New Plymouth for a quickie visit that revolved around catching up with family and seeing Mary Poppins.

So it was that we shared a number of meals over four days with a revolving cast of characters and in wildly different settings.

The first – a curry dinner at our joint – was a lot of fun. But blow me down – why is it that I can make such sublime dal of various kinds (even if I do say so myself), yet struggle with any sort of meat curry? In this case, the lamb doh piaza was dry, tough and bland, despite all that hand mixing of fresh spices.

Oh well …

For Sunday lunch, Pauline, her grandson and myself fronted Waterfront at Port Melbourne’s Station Pier. We’d had an enjoyable dinner there on her previous visit, it was a nice spring day and we were up for it.

We were the first to arrive for the lunch sitting and were shown to a glass-topped table that had an outdoor ambience but thankfully boasted sufficient shelter to protect us from a still nippy breeze. Ain’t Melbourne weather grand?

The first disappointment came when Bennie found out there was no burger on the menu. Frankly, I shared his surprise – Waterfront is a for-sure seafood establishment, but it looks and feels like the sort of place that would have a burger tucked away on the menu somewhere.

No matter – we were all bloody hungry, so we ordered a bowl of chips ($9) to bridge the gap. They were fabulous! I mean, really really really good. As was the creamy mayo they came with.

All three of us were conservative with our main meal choices – mum went for the fish and chips ($32), I went for the whole snapper with olive oil, lemon, oregano, rosemary potatoes ($38) and Bennie – a defiantly unfishy boy, that one – opted for the kids’ menu linguine bolognese.

Next disappointment: Having already stuffed our gobs with chips, I inquired whether it would be possible to switch my spuds for a salad. No sir, I was informed – you want salad, you order salad.

This proved doubly unfortunate, as the baby spuds that came with my snapper were bland, tasteless and seemed to be profoundly unseasoned in any way at all. The advertised rosemary amounted to a single tiny leaf as far as I could tell. There were numerous specks of some dried herb, but it was so devoid of flavour I was unable to identify it.

The snapper itself was pretty good – a little on the dry side, and could have done with more of the olive oil and lemon. But I have this sort of tucker so infrequently that enjoyed the hell out of it anyway.

Kids menus? Thankfully, Bennie has just about left those behind. But his pasta was a beaut – and he sucked up every last strand. Something of a bargain, too, at $12, considering the prices in general.

Pauline liked her fish and chips, but I reckoned the two pieces of whiting were too puny by far. The chips outnumbered our earlier meal-starting side serve by a large margin, which seemed a little perverse.

Our meal’s highlight came with the sweeties, Pauline ordering the hazelnut raspberry brulee ($13.50) and Bennie the chocolate mousse ($14.50). They were all class, scrumptious, smartly priced and smiles abounded.

Heaven forbid that as he leaves kids’ menus behind, Bennie develops a fondness for flash deserts!

By the time we left the place was packed and the staff were turning people away.

I’d recommend Waterfront for special occasions.

Next time – and we had a sufficiently nice time to know there will be a next time – I’ll see if I can usher those accompanying me towards more adventurous choices.

The paella at a nearby table looked interesting, as did the numerous Japanese-styled dishes that whizzed by us as our lunch drew to a close.

Our meal cost $146, which included a $10 glass of wine for Grandma, $4.50 Cokes for father and son, and a couple of OK $4 coffees.

Check out the Waterfront website here.

Our mixed experience is reflected by reviews ranging from scathing to rapturous found here and here.

Waterfront is undeniably a very nice space in which to spend some time, and given the kind of food it trades in and the kind of customers it attracts, I suspect it’s all but immune to criticism.