Brimbank Cup, Keilor Park Soccer Club, Keilor Park Recreation Reserve, Stadium Drive, Keilor Park

The Brimbank Cup is a beaut community soccer event that features clubs and teams of a wide array stripes and genders from a broad swathe of the Melbourne’s western suburbs.

However, despite the rainbow-hued nature of the event, I am not expecting the food available to be equally diverse.

Hoping maybe – but not expecting.

Truth is, by the time I get to Keilor Park Soccer Club, my appetite is sufficiently robust that I’m pretty much up for anything – even that turns out to be your regulations sports club pie, chips, hot dog, whatever.

We all – players, family and friends, club officials, kids, police officers and many more – do a whole lot better than that.

The canteen is selling your sports club fodder, but a barbecue is all fired up and its crew are doing brisk business in some serious food.

Steak sandwich? Nah.

Hamburgers? Hey, they look pretty good.

Chevapi roll? Hell yes!

After two of those babies – lettuce, tomato, hold the onions, no sauce, thanks – I’m a very happy chappy, and all set to enjoy the footy proceedings and mingle with the hordes.

Before I do, I secure a coffee from the clubrooms bar. It’s a surprising procedure:

“Can I get a coffee, please?”

“Yes.”

No question as to what type, milk required, how much sugar, if any.

But my cardboard cup of lovely coffee represents $3 well spent.

Just before the exhibition match between the coppers and a World XI, the police band commits a brazen musical crime by performing a highly synthesised version of a certain Asian novelty pop hit.

Throw them all in the slammer, I say!

And ABC film crew asks me for my opinions about the sports corruption brouhaha; I duly give them some not very original thoughts.

I offer to waive my normal high-three-figure appearance fee if they give Consider The Sauce a plug on that night’s TV news.

They laugh.

The Brimbank Cup continues tomorrow (Sunday, February 10), with an exhibition game between FFV and celebrity sides at 1.30pm, the women’s final at 3pm and the men’s final at 5pm.

Check it out – it’s a hot and it’s free.